The Flight of the Rocketman

No rice
So into the bowl
I put flowers
-- texted to me by my Dad

I have to find a new place to go dancing. I just had a horrible time in the two clubs that I frequent and I don't want to go back until the anger subsides... And that will probably be in the next 8 to 10 months maybe.

I'm just so pissed. I'm over-the-edge in anger. In the first club, so disgusting asshole bumps into my while I'm pissing in order to get my attention. I ignore him. He then slurs something which I suppose was to resemble something akin to speech but I just look at him and say "I can't understand you." He then proceeds to stick his finger in my ear and I move my head away and raise my voice and tell him he was rude. He then proceeds to continously annoy me until I finish peeing and walk away calling him a rude son-of-a-bitch. I didn't want to start a fight, the club belongs to a friend of mine and I was raised better. But I really so wanted to hit the fucking fag. I hate it when they impose their fucking sexuality on you. I can't stand in when they can't take the hint that someone is not interested. God. I really, really hate them.

On the dance floor, I was really enjoying myself, especially since the club was practically empty. I had a whole large piece of the dance floor to myself. He whips me with his shirt to get my attention. I so wanted to smash his face in, kick his ribs until they broke and then snap his leg into two. I wanted to turn him into a bloody pulp. I never had so much violent thoughts almost turn into action at any one moment.

In the other club, something similar happened. It was more full and the club's design makes it difficult to dance when it is crowded. People standing in the dance floor looking like idiots. It's a fucking dance floor, God damn it! What are you doing just standing there?!?! People walking right in front of people who are dancing, crowding them and forcing them to the wall. People just started to crowd and would just stand in front of me. What the fucking hell is that?!?!

And then people would just grab my arm and force me closer to them so they can whisper something to my ear. I'd respond in kind, smile and then move away. Then they would do it again to say exactly the same thing. Jesus Christ! So I dance well. So I dance like there's no tomorrow. That doesn't make me public property. I don't care if you admire me; treat me like a God damn human being! Tap me in the shoulder, smile and introduce yourself. I'm not some thing, I'm not your property.

Fucking assholes. People standing around, trying to see and be seen. It is so pathetic. I should know, I've been there. I've done that. Fucking losers.

They always teach us, everywhere, in movies and television and whatever other classes that we take for self-defense that no means no. No. What? Do they want me to be rude? Do they want me to call them losers? Do they want me to act like the hand of the devil slapping them in the face with the cold hard truth? Do they want me to show them what I think of them?

I swear to God I have no plans of being nice anymore. I am so tired of being polite or civil. And if I hurt their feelings, so be it. I don't fucking care because they didn't think of mine when they started to treat me like an object.

I'm a human being, for God's sake. I want to be treated like one.

Some people just can't control themselves. They just go nuts and ask people to help them, to help them stop the things they don't want to do but they go off and do it anyway. They make it difficult to help them. It is such a waste of time.

Oh yeah, the icing on the cake? I didn't even want to go out. I had already decided I wasn't going to go out until next month. I need to save money. I need to be practical. I didn't even dress to go out. But a friend is leaving for the States for a while and we had to say good bye. I thought, or was led to believe, we were just going to have coffee in Greenbelt until I was told that we had to meet him at his club. I didn't want to go but then, he's a friend and he's always treated my friends and I well. So off I went. And he never came. We didn't even get to say good bye. That was just so stupid.

I'm really tired of this. It's time to say what I mean and mean what I say. I am going to do other things now. This whole night-life bullshit is done and over for me. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth.