"I think it's gonna be a long, long time, `till touchdown brings me round again to find, I'm not the man they think I am at home... I'm a rocketman, burning out his fuel out here alone..." Rocketman by Elton John and Bernie Taupin.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Is this me now?
Looks like I've changed my ways again
Is this me now?
Funny how you can't remember
Well, you know me better than that
At least you thought you knew me then
But what you know now
It's not always a happy ending

-- Don't Feel Like Cryin' by Abra Moore

Got to see Million Dollar Baby and realised that it is as good as people have said it was. I know Hilary Swank is a good actress but I find that her look and her character is very limited. I got to see The Affair of the Necklace and found her off to be in a period piece. But her sincerity and her intensity is so real but does not get in the way of the performance. It comes so natural. Movie made me cry but then again, my dad said I cry at the dropping of dandruff flakes. It may be an exaggeration; but the un-exaggerated version of that statement is that I do cry in a lot of movies.

In fact, I cried at Lemony Snickett A Series of Unfortunate Events; so what chance do I have?

Went for broke and found myself in a strange place. Totally new experience. I was shocked at my own capacity for improvisation. I changed into someone I could be but never really embraced. It was so much fun. Interaction with strangers do have their appeal -- especially when you play around with who you are.

I wasn't being someone else. I was still myself and I didn't tell any lies. What was different was that I was more confident, more mysterious, more playful... I was the me that was tougher -- desirable I think is a stronger word. It was fun.

Sometimes, you can just be yourself at your utmost potential and then play it to the hilt... If you believe it, even for just a moment, you can take it to its farthest point. And then you can become that person. You can become yourself at your utmost potential and make it some sort of game. Bring him out when you need him and make it work for you. It's like acting. And what's great about it is that it isn't lying... it's you.

It's you. And then you think about it and ask yourself, "Why do I have to pretend to be this confident, this sure? What was I waiting for? Some form of affirmation? An award?" You don't need it. I discovered you are worth it. You don't have to act sure and confident. Just be sure and confident. You are worth all the love that you are looking for. You deserve it.

And don't ever let that go.
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