The Flight of the Rocketman

Real sharpness comes without effort. -- From Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

Sometimes I wonder why we can't seem to take things for what they are. Not give things more meaning; turn things into symbols; make things more than what they are. Why can't we just take things at face value? Why do we have to live in a world full of symbols? Can't some things just happen and not have to be more than that: something that happens.

I find myself just getting into "the game" again and, I don't know... I'm not going to make it more than what it is. It's just fooling around. It's just physical. And I'm not going to make some silly reasoning that it feels empty. It does. But that wasn't the point for me. It was just to relieve a physical desire. It was to release tension and stress.

I'm not ready for something deeper. I'm not looking for something deeper. And so it may seem basic and primal and maybe I should be ashamed of it, but I'm not. I'm a human being and just like everybody else, there are needs that can be pushed aside and some that can't. I'm not the type of person who can just let this go. But I do have unbelievable will power over other things.

It's the way of the world. We were all made differently.

Like most things, I am nothing.
It's the same for this sword.
All of it is simply a state of mind.
-- From Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

I'm slowly beginning to throw my plans to the wind and become a little more within the moment. I can slowly see the horizon getting vague and blurry. I know where I want to go but now the path is not clear and that's good.

No more clearly defined routes. Just walk. Just put one step in front of the other. With over 8 billion people in the world, the universe cannot have a specified route for everyone. No one is special enough and excempt from chaos. And no one can be showered with good fortune from birth to death.

So I am trying to accept chaos in my life and learn to really just go with the flow. I want to dance the many pathways of life and see where it leads me. Randomness is freedom.

No growth without assistance.
No action without reaction.
No desire with restraint.
Now give yourself up and find yourself again.
-- From Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

I just helped shoot a feature on wall-climbing and I plan to start doing that soon. I just find physical activity better than going to the gym. I find gym boring and redundant, considering also the fact that I was able to go regularly, everyday for 2 hours for 3 months straight... But if I can do something like wall-climbing, that would be better. I find the bodies of people who do activities (badminton, swimming, etc) better looking than the ones of the people who go to the gym. The difference is so obvious. I want to be lean and toned; not buffed.

New outlook, new body, new plan of attack, new everything... Not that 2005 is supposed to be any different and not that this year is suppose to be special. It just took me this long to find this state of mind.

Everything is just a state of mind.

*quotes from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon were based on the book by Wang Du Lu; screenplay by Wang Hui Ling, James Schamus and Tsai Kuo Jung and directed by Ang Lee