The Flight of the Rocketman

I would show men how very wrong they are to think that they cease to be in love when they grow old, not knowing that they grow old when they cease to be in love! To a child I shall give wings, but I shall let him learn to fly on his own. I would teach the old that death does not come with old age, but with forgetting. -- Gabriel Garcia Marquez

I can't put my finger on it. It's like ice. Cold to the touch. After awhile, your skin slides off the surface. It is slippery. It is something I cannot seem to grasp. What is this hunger? What is it that I'm looking for?

I've got this hunger and need to start on my God damned film. I want to direct something but more than that, I'd settle for writing tons and tons of scripts. Don't want to get my computer from my Mom's house if I'm moving in a week's time. But I ain't moving in a week's time because we have yet to find a destination. No house, no move, no movement.

I can feel it gnawing at me. It's right under the skin so it can't be scratched. I find myself clenching my teeth. I haven't done that in such a long time. Not since...

There is some semblance of peace during sleep except when I wake up remembering my dreams. At least when I climb walls, I have no other thought in my head than which rock to grab, where to put my feet, how much strength do I have left and the like. Is that the real attraction for me? The forgetting of this aching feeling, this need that seems to cause me to tremble in fear?

I keep it hidden well, I think. No one can see it except for the random variables that come and go in my life. They know what is going on. There is no reason for them to just come and go if there was some sort of stability in my life. The hunger wouldn't be so immediate and so cold.

I feel I'm turning into ice. Things are starting to appear hazy and vague. Has the ice formed right at my face? It has been colder at nights. I wear an extra layer of clothing and still I shiver. This used to happen in February, not January. Yet it began early.

This is the early frost. I feel it forcing me to face the cold. I've never liked the cold.

I never liked the cold.