The Flight of the Rocketman

Don't judge me `til you've walked a mile in my shoes
Things aren't always as they seem
-- Bartender, written and performed by Keri Noble

I really feel foolish now having entitled my blog as Flight of the Rocketman. I should've really thought about it more. The real signature would have been Modern Everyday Gods and that would have fit me to a tee. Afterall, that's the title of the novel I have yet to write. That is the novel that would explain my college years all the way to the 3 to 4 years that followed my graduation. Modern Everyday Gods would have been the perfect title for my blog.

I want to change everything. The title and the address of the site to that but, a mistake is a decision I have to live with. I don't feel right about all of a sudden leaving The Flight of the Rocketman and continue on in a new blog. I've invested so many words and so many entries. I've been more consistent with this journal than I have been with my real, actual journal. I haven't written on that damn thing for weeks now!

I love the play of words on a blog because you know it is being read. The need to obfuscate actual people because it is not for me to say. To hide their identities so as to allow them their privacy. It's tricky. It requires more thought. It requires more skill. And in an actual journal, where the only reader that you expect is yourself, you can lay everything down and not have to explain; after all, you know what's happening, you know exactly what is being said. In a blog, you have to be a little more clear. You can't be vague because your readers won't understand what is going on. But then again, if being vague was your point, then you have to do it well to appeal to a larger audience.

Afterall, why have a blog if you don't want people to read through it, right?

But I have been very grateful for the outlet that this has given me. It's refreshing to feel like I have a voice and that it is being heard. It isn't trapped inside.

I'm not the kind of person who deals with things silently. I need it to be articulated so that I can deal with it better. When it is expressed, out in the open, I can let go of it easily. So I speak about things, everything with friends and family. I write poems, songs, stories. And then I blog.

It's like therapy. Because once it is out there, it's done. It's over. It has a tangible form and tangible things can be thrown away, ignored or burned. But abstract things hang in the air and they just hover. They hover near you and never leave. I can't stand that.

Once it is out of my system, then I can slowly start letting go. But if it's not expressed; I'm stuck and I'll linger. I dwell.

And sulking is something I do pretty well. I have a phD in sulking and dwelling. Ask my friends, they'll tell you.