The Flight of the Rocketman

Cause I'm a rocket on fire
Look at me go, with my tail on fire
With my tail on fire, on fire
Look at me go, look at me
-- Rocket's Tail (Song for Rocket), written and performed by Kate Bush

Been in the office the whole day... the whole fucking day. Have a lot of work to do and to finish because i've got some personal stuff I want to do tomorrow. That's what I like about my sched. It doesn't matter what time I come in, as long as I get things done and that I finish a certain number of hours a week. So I can off set my days where I don't show up by coming in on weekends.

Pretty fair deal. I don't really mind. I really do more than I should be doing anyway. And I know my parents might scoff to hear that but I can't help it. This show is a team effort and we are under-manned and we all do what we can, what we have to. So I don't mind.

Truth is, there are so many others who do more than I do. And they are better at it too. I've always been a slow starter but once I get my groove, I'm there. Unfortunately, I lost it during the holidays. I know! I know! No excuse. But there's something wrong... I can't put my finger on it. And I'm afraid that if I did get to put my finger on it, it would freeze the nerves cold.

Something's off. I'm enjoying dreaming again. For some strange reason I'm lacking a certain sense of drive. I've never lacked it before... Hmmm... Wait. I think I have in the past. No, this is not some isolated incident. This happened before.

I hate these moments. When you can feel something is off. I'm hungry now, literally but I feel that this is also figurative in nature. The problem is that there is something I want.

I think it's change. But I don't know what to change. Well, it's either that, or I secretly do know what I need to change and I'm just overwhelmed by how much it will put me at a discomfort. I'm not that comfortable in places where I'm not... when I'm not in familiar territory.

I feel like I'm contradicting some previous post where I must've said that being in unfamiliar territory is fun. Maybe it's because I'm not in unfamiliar territory that it's making me panic right now?

Argh! All these God damned questions... Been in the office too long. Going wall-climbing tomorrow to feel the elevation... Gotta get off the ground. Gotta feel the fear, the strain, the push and the pull.

Gotta set my self on fire. Gotta burn. Gotta fly. Gotta be a rocketman burning out my fuse... out here alone...