The Flight of the Rocketman

A balanced diet means having a pastry in each hand. -- as texted to me by my Dad

And if you could see, what's come over me, then you would know
Cause I'm walkin' free, the wind at my back, bathed in afterglow.
-- Afterglow, written and performed by Vanessa Carlton

It's harder than I thought, searching for a house. I thought there'd be so many waiting out there; the streets like a buffet table and I'd just walk up to one and ask how much. But no, that's not how it is. And I'm on my 3rd copy of Buy and Sell and asking my friends if they had had any luck.

I've slowly begun turning into this vampire. Sleeping during the day and waking at night. It has always been my excuse that it's far easier for me to work at night when I have free reign of the computers. No one to ease into my slot for editing and I can play the music is loud as I want. True, I do get a lot of work done but this is no way to live. Awake during the hours when 80% of the world is sleeping.

A few more days of this and I'd grow fangs and start to hunger for the taste of human blood.

But things are going strangely well... I thought losing the other would be painful but I've never been the sentimental type. It didn't work out. Sure, I don't have closure but I don't need one. I was ready to end it already as it is. I guess, in a way, it is a blessing that it my lover just disappeared. Without a trace. Well, that's not true. I've made a few calls. In the other house, they would say. At least I know nothings horrible has happened.

It's just that it ended. And that was that. And of course, as they say, as one door closes another opens. I can now continue on through with this God forsaken schedule and not have to worry that I'm fucking up somebody else's. This freedom to do as I please is quite liberating.

I am not held down to anyone and no one holds me; as I hold no one down. It's the way it should be. For someone as intense as I, I need that intensity matched. And I need my freedom as much as I would give it away.

Not many people seem to understand that. They think a relationship requires constant attention and affection; that they should be there always, if possible. I don't get it, really. I've always believed that a relationship is between two individuals. Individuals. That means they have their own lives. They have separate set of friends (but they do know of each other, and have hung around at one point in time) and that they have goals and ambitions for themselves. A relationship is someone to share things with, not merge with.

The whole idea is just bizaare to me.

But then again, we were all brought up differently. I consider my parents polar opposites. My Dad is this artistic, care-free person. Truly artistic, my Dad has no practical bone in his body. Whereas my Mom is this calculating, exact and precise woman where everything can be ordered into a system. They both have the same love for the arts, though have different perspectives of it. But they both share that love and passion, for art, for beauty, for life. They are not one person. That's definitely certain. They are two people but they want to share their differences with each other and found a way to complement themselves. The relationship makes them whole; not the other person.

That's how I believe these things to be.

How strange... I meant this to be more of a record of how strange my sleeping patterns have been as of late and I ended up talking about relationships. I wonder if that is in any way Freudian...?

And I think I spelled bizaare incorrectly... It's too early in the morning to be sleepy...