The Flight of the Rocketman

Am I big enough to hear that you never even even think about me?
Why should you ever think about me?
And I thought that I'd outgrow this kind of thing.
Tell me, aren't we supposed to mature or something?
I haven't found that yet, is this as grown-up as we ever get?
Maybe this is as good as it gets.
And years may go by, but I think the heart remains a child.
The mind may grow wise, but the heart just sulks and it whines and remains a child.
-- The Heart Remains a Child, by Everything But the Girl

My body is tired. Went to the gym yesterday and I haven't gone in a long time. I don't want to go to the gym but you know what? It's better than not doing anything about it. I woke up too late today to go and wall-climb so I hope that I can sleep pretty early tonight so I can do it tomorrow morning before going to work.

Right now, I need as much physical activity as I can get. I'm sick and tired of my physicality. I want to improve on it.

Yesterday (or was it the other day?) I just discovered that my ex had lied to me the whole time. The disappearing act was just a comfortable escape but apparently, nothing that I was told was true. I was just another little game that was played. I knew there was something up. I knew that something was being hidden. I brought it up and it was shot down with an innocent look and sweet words of comfort. But I knew, deep down inside. I just didn't know how to flush it out. Or did I want to even try?

And I don't want to be bitter and angry. And to be honest, I'm not bitter or angry. I just can't believe that it happened again. Why must I always be fooled and lied to? When honesty goes a very long way with me. I have more respect for someone who can come up to me and tell me the truth.

Lay all your cards down since I don't play games anymore.

I've lost my edge. I'm not as sharp as I used to be. It's been a long time since I've played games. What? Should I return to the poker table? Should I start playing games again? Is this what they really want? Because I can play like the best of them. I'm not stupid and I won't say I'm smart but I'm smart enough to play the game well. I'm smarter than most, that's for sure.

I can leave a trail of tears behind the paths I cross with the crying souls of all the hearts I can break. I've become a little more cold-blooded since last people know me.

I'm a reptile. I'm a modern, everyday god. Do they think they can destroy me? I don't think so.

They better be careful, because if I go back to the game, then, there won't be anything left of them to save. They'll just be dust in the wind.