The Flight of the Rocketman

A true friend stabs you in the front. -- Oscar Wilde

Exhausted out of my mind, I had more work thrown at my lap and so I ended up staying late at the office the other day. A long talk with my better half and then a good long smoke outside helped me get into certain frame of mind.

I was asking myself the questions I was pondering about before. I would really love to have all that extra cash around and I'm really married to my work, to my job. So what if I lose a little bit of my privacy and solitude? I don't have much time to enjoy it anyway. All I really need is a place to crash and to leave my things and occasionally, to catch up on some Z's.

Add a new perspective to my life, I suppose, why not? Once again, learn to live with others to adjust my own personal dynamic. Right now, I want more CDs, more stuff, a car. There's so much that I want. When I think of the money I could have had all to myself had I not gone out and lived alone, I think geez, what a fool I was!

By now, my savings would have been immense, I could have bought myself a lap top, finally change all my shoes and stop using all my busted up ones. I could have afforded to go with my good friends Pau and Cathy to Malaysia. So much I could've done.

But I do not regret because if I didn't move out, I would never have. It was the sort of impetus I needed to force me to start growing up and I will admit, there was a lot of growth. I'd like to think so.

And do I want to achieve greatness? Yes, I do. Am I willing to sacrifice my way of life right now? No, I am not. I like my life. I like the fact that my friends and I spend days watching movies and talking about it and music and other people. I like the fact that I work like a donkey over a television show that I like and sort of believe in. No, I believe in it. I believe in its potential. I believe in what we can achieve with it. We can't get there with the tiny, tiny crew that we are right now but once we get a larger production crew, we can soar.

But that was the thing that really helped ease the burden that was breaking my back. I was putting too much pressure on myself. I should just let these things flow more smoothly, more naturally. In the back of my mind, I really wouldn't let it go, so I know, deep down inside, I'd still by fighting tooth and nail to get myself to produce more and to get it out there to the public. I really won't let it go. I'm just letting go of some of the drive and putting it to more practical uses like, I don't know, maybe put it to getting to sleep? He He He I need that.

I miss sleep.