The Flight of the Rocketman

And all we wanted was the dream
To have and to hold that precious little thing
Like every generation yields
A new born hope unjaded by their years
-- Wait, Sarah McLachlan

And how does one ever become innocent again? How does one stand up against the rigid cruelty of experience to accept things willingly and with open eyes? How does one choose to look into the sun, knowing that they will never see again? I do not know how to embrace the light. Maybe there is really something to blindness. A way at choosing not to see in order not to be disillusioned.

It is really the difficulty of succumbing to the belief that we are all in charge of our lives. After you make that stand, you must take every blow that guilt throws your way. I am sure that I can survive and I can keep moving ever forward on the road of truth. I will be true to myself and to my actions, to my wants and needs and desire. But I'm afraid of all the people I've left behind, road-kill on my insensitive race for some sort of happiness.

The truth hurts, it can cut like a knife and I'm afraid that if I push through and give voice to the doubts in my head, it will be an incision straight into the heart of the other. I can be very cruel. I've said it many times. I don't know how many victims must go forth before I can finally make up my mind.

Wind in time
rapes the flower trembling on the vine
nothing yields to shelter it
-- Fear by Sarah McLachlan

Have I been so quick to let myself be fooled by that which I wanted most that I saw something else and thought it was that? Just because it shines like gold doesn't mean that it is of the same worth; of the same value.

I can break the strongest of metals. I can bend the metal beams that hold the steady roof up. And when I do, everything falls. I've survived many cataclysms and devastations but I am afraid of the scabs that tattoo my body. I am afraid that I will look at myself and not recognize the reflection before me.

But I know I will move on and I will be okay and that is what scares me. I'm afraid that it will just happen again. I need the strength to pull this through.

You know if I leave you now
It doesn't mean that I love you any less
it's just the state I'm in
I can't be good to anyone else like this
-- Wait, Sarah McLachlan

This will end in ways that I cannot expect. There will be an exchange of words. There will be a tear. There will be a smile somewhere and there will be another sunshine. There will be a falling and bruise and a scar.

And then it will begin again.