The Flight of the Rocketman

My body is as good as cash. -- Something I want to put on a tight fitting shirt and wear out

I let go last night. Gave in to the dark again. It was fun. It was great. It was the way it had always been and felt wonderful because it had been a while. As always, give it some time in between and it will be great everytime and, more importantly, you won't get lost in it. You won't start to look for it, you won't start to need it. The dark. I don't want to call it that but what else? After all, it isn't darkness. It is the exact opposite. It is a light, freeing feeling. But it is dark. No matter which way you slice it, it's dark. You get lost. It happens.

But this time I was with my better half. My better half wanted to go into the dark considering that my baby has never been in it at all. I was against it. All the way. But I wouldn't stop my baby from experiencing things. And my baby was sure. Anyway, I was there to guide, to watch, to protect.

My baby enjoyed every minute of it. Hugged me tightly and told me that I was the world.

For a while, I was having doubts. As usual, my mutant power activated. You see, my mutant power is the ability to create and manipulate drama. And that's what I did. Instead of relishing the fact that someone loves me and that I love that someone in return; I went nuts. Complaining that my baby loves me more than I love my better half. I couldn't handle the happiness. I was prepared for the hurts and the problems but not the happy moments.

I'm pretty stupid, huh? Many times, I found myself balancing on the edge, thinking of some way to get out when all I really wanted was to stay in. Lots of doubts, lots of fears. I was overwhelmed by the whole thing. Thank God I didn't do anything. I have a clear conscience on this one.

Because of my better half exploring the darkness; I found myself taking care, nurturing, fulfilling myself in my baby's needs. All of a sudden, once again, I found myself the stronger one. And in that reversal I found peace. At this point, there were no fears, no doubts. I've been through worse shit and, I realise, my baby has gone through shit too. We will be equals. I give weight to my better half as my better half gives me value.

My baby is my cocaine. One whiff and I feel confidence, sure, excited, energized.

No fears, no doubts. I walk on unafraid. Things are going to be different. I will make this work.