The Flight of the Rocketman

I have to be very grateful. Many people texted me, sending their regrets over what I had written on a previous entry. Thank you very much for your concern. It was very sweet and thoughtful of everybody.

Undoubtedly, I am happy to say that everything is fine. Everything is back to normal. It was a lie, all the breaking up and the words in text and hushed responses to my queries. My better half was forced and coerced into going back to the former lover. My better half's former lover is a psychotic good for nothing excrement and if I only know that's schizo's name, I'd be in jail tomorrow for homicide... if I got caught.

It sounds dramatic, doesn't it? Unfortunately, it is very true. Over threat of violence and maybe even worse, my better half buckled under the pressure and submitted.

It would have been nice to step up and gave our relationship some sense of dignity rather than to slink back into shadows. But I'm not ready to lose so early in the game; and not when I have waited for so long. So slink back into the shadows I go. I waited 7 years. I can wait 7 more.

Nobody promised any of us that it would be easy. All they implied was that it will be worth it. I'm counting on that.

I hold on to the faith and courage that has brought me this far. It will bring me farther along the way, maybe, even all the way. And I know, that if it isn't enough; my friends and family will give me rest and stop the time and then cheer me on when I'm ready to run again and finish the course.

It's the stuff of fairy tales and fiction. But they were all true before they were written. I believe in that. Just because you never saw it happen doesn't mean it didn't. It just means that somebody else did. And whether that makes you lucky or unlucky, it depends on the circumstance, now doesn't it?

I didn't think that I was playing for anybody's sympathy when I wrote the previous journal entry. I was merely stating a fact and making some sort of disclaimer should my mood alter significantly after that. I realised, this space I've crafted here has been an outlet for me and a sort of drama machine (borrowing from Sugarfree, the title of their latest album) and hey! that's my perogative, right? But if at any time, I feel like I've been courting for some sympathy, then I'll say so. Because I don't deserve any. I don't think anyone really does. After all, there are no victims in this world. We are the summation of every action that we've chosen to do. We suffer the consequences just like everybody else.

All I want, I suppose is some sense of... I don't know the word? Is it attention? Yes, that's for sure. I want the attention. I want the audience and the spectacle. One day, there will be a play based on me, and it will be monologues and little sketches acted out. The Drama Queen Relinquishes His Throne, will be it's title.

It will be very funny.