The Flight of the Rocketman

Oh, lots of things happen to folks. Sicknes or bein' poor and hungry even -- bein' old and afeard to die. That's the way it is -- cradle to the grave. And you can stand it. There's one way. You gotta be hearty... You cain't deserve the sweet and tender things in life less'n you're tough. -- from Oklahoma! by Oscar and Hammerstein

Still got of work to do. I fear I might be running out of steam and there's still so much looming there in the horizon but I've got to steel myself and keep going forward. All this is good for me. I am losing time to do simple things and I don't seem to have the time to just sit back and enjoy what's going on around me; but there'll be plenty of time to do that later on. I'm just glad I've got all this work and that I can still manage to pay my rent and put food in my `fridge.

The last thing I want to be is ungrateful.

Right now, what's on my mind is whether I should move out or do I keep on living alone. 3 of my friends have offered to get a house and we all live together and share expenses. I'm thinking whether that is really a great option or not. So far, it seems like I can manage on my own. Will living in with my friends make things easier for me in the long run?

What I like about living alone is that I can just be myself and not have to worry or be considerate of other people's feelings. I like the idea that when I'm in a bad mood or feeling crazy, I can stay alone at home and not have anyone else affected by my strange behaviour. I like the fact that if I don't feel like cleaning up the place, I don't have to. I can always put that off tomorrow when I'm feeling more up to it. Since no one has to see the mess that's there, I don't feel rushed or hurried to clean up. One thing, I love to listen to my music loud.

But if I live with other people, I have to always be aware of their presence and if they are feeling bad or need someone to talk to, I might be bothered or disturbed. I always need some time alone and I might not always get that with them. There is no more place for me to hide. No one can say "Wanggo's not home," when I really am because there's no witnesses to prove where I am. But if I live with my friends and I'm locked up in my room and somebody asks if I am there, people can say that "Wanggo is in his room."

I think that living with friends would be great in the sense that when I do get my need for connection, there will always be someone to talk to and I wouldn't have to feel so alone and that I get to share expenses like rent, utilities and stuff. We would share food and everything... But I think that it's light-weight in terms of having my own privacy. After all, I'm no longer single; where could we possibly be alone? And my friends are not loner types, we might have people, strange people, strangers, coming in all the time. That's kind of freaky as well...

Now that I'm actually putting all this down in writing, it makes more sense for me to stay alone... The cons outweigh the pros of living with my friends. But then again, I've always been so easily swayed by them. If they push me hard enough, it would be hard for me to make a case not to live with them.

I don't know. At least I don't have to make that decision now. My lease expires on May, so I have all that time to make a sort of decision. The truth is, I still love living in condominiums. I love the security and the small space to take care of. I don't know how meticulous I could be with a huge space such as a house. It's a lot to maintain.

But we haven't discussed it yet in full. I'd have to see the terms. As friends, it sounds like a good idea but we really should get to sit down and find out if there are house rules that need to be established.

I'll wait until more information comes my way before deciding on this. It is a huge step, after all and I really have to keep my mind focused on my work...