The Flight of the Rocketman

When people have their own really accomplished lives, they don't put you on a pedestal. If anything, you have to prove yourself even more because they think you're that stupid actress who, like, floats around in her Prada dress, you know? -- Natalie Portman (Vogue, May 2002)

All it takes is to be with great friends who trust you and respect you and whom you trust and respect to help put everything in perspective. They don't even have to know what you are going through; just being around them makes you realize that the world is not as horrible a place as you think it is.

And don't forget to dance. Dancing solves any problems.

Letting go is really hard to do. Sometimes, and it may be selfish, but you feel like you have to force people to tell you things you already know. And sometimes, they won't oblige you. No one is responsible for how you feel. They don't owe you anything. And in the end, it really becomes something you have to deal with for yourself. And if you won't, you won't heal.

I'm am falling more and more in love with the medium of film. I believe it is a great way of looking at the world. I feel that this is where I will really be able to make my mark. This is something that I really want to do, for myself, for what is going on inside of me.

I watched Pieces of April and found myself crying for an hour. It is a gorgeous, gorgeous film. Very powerful. It would be sad if it were not so real; and in being real it is so funny. Watch it!

I love my Dad. Everytime we talk, I feel like I'm learning from the world. His being here in the city, working again at something that he is really, really good at, calms me. It makes me feel better. It is almost as if I am borrowing his energy, adapting it into my own and I can do it from a distance (as long as we are in the same city). When he is in Bacolod, I could feel the distance and reaching out to him was so hard. Knowing he is here, within my sphere of reference, I could reach out to his aura and copy it, take it for my own.

I'm glad that he is here.

The process of healing, I hope, has finally begun. This distorted world will finally start to coalesce. If only because I have decided to really look and see what it is the signs are saying. This time I will not let myself get lot. The grieving is over. We are only allowed to grieve for so long...