The Flight of the Rocketman

But I know she'll be all right,
If he could shut up tonight,
And just hold her tight.
-- Hold Her Tonight, Performed by Titiyo (written by Peter Svensson and Joakim Berg)

And just like that, it is over. Another sad love story turns its last page. The simple version? I guess I wasn't what my love was looking for. I don't know what is being looked for; but it ain't me.

I refuse to stop moving on over this. I will keep moving, keep on going. I am bitter, angry and hurt. But I refuse to be devastated. I keep on.

And surprising, an old chapter of my life has re-opened. Sweetness and affections are pouring out towards me and I don't really know how to respond exactly. I play my usual flirtatious games. The other responds with awkwardness. I feel there is something here that is unexplored, if not resurfacing. Maybe some things are not yet over. Maybe some doors close as others open, but they are not locked and can open again for better results...

I work and I work and I find myself without funds to continue my life. I think I can manage the next rent, but wonder how I'll make it through the following. Projects are coming in but the payment of all the work is too slow. I feel I deserve better than this but I am pretty much just starting out. But that isn't true, either... I have a resume most people would die for. I am no newbie and I've got a lot of things to offer.

I have more work experience and versatility than people older than me. Maybe I shouldn't be so lax in chasing after checks.

I have lost my best friend to something that has no name. I'm not sure if it is stress or over-work or if he is sick of me and hanging out with me. Paranoia strikes me cold and hard. Should I give him space or should I pursue a more nurturing and caring approach? I have lost him and have been talking to a common friend more often, finding solace with him. And honestly, it makes me feel bad. Not for anything but because I just feel that my best friend should be the first person to know these things in my life.

To the Spaceman: you blew it, buster! My friends are right that I have no real right to be so pissed but you should not have said somethings and made me believe what is until proven otherwise, untrue. I fell hard. But you know what? I know my love was true and that I gave it my all. If you did not want it then you don't deserve it. You told our friend that I was "too good for you." You know what I say? Good thing you know. You saved me from possibly making a mistake. Yeah, I'm bitter and angry that I am not the one, considering the fact that everything about me was "perfect" or so you said. Well, it's over. Go and play your foolish games with other people. I don't play with little children. I'd rather be with someone who knows what they want.

I am so angry because it really mattered to me. And it hurts to have to be, time and time again, not the person that they want. You think of all the things that you could do for them and wonder why it ain't enough. It hurts, that's all. It won't kill me. But it still hurts like hell...