The Flight of the Rocketman

Is it daylight?
I hardly ever notice.
I hardly feel the sun.
I barely feel anyone...
-- Daylight, written and performed by Chicane

I have ascended. I have always believed I was one of the modern, everday gods. And like many of my kind, I have walked among the people and lost myself. I have stayed too long with these humans. I have become one of them. I have forgotten my divinity. I have been too kind. I have been too... merciful. No more. It all ends here. I have walked upon the rays of the sun and called upon the storm. I have frozen people's hearts with my breath and brought them back to life with my laughter. I can pierce through the veil and I can shatter walls with but a touch. I am the dancer, the passionate one, and the sheep and the fish. I am a modern, everyday god. Let all know my divinity.

Modern, Everyday Gods was supposed to be the title of my first novel. It is based on many personal experiences after graduation. It was when I realised the other world, that world of the hip, the fashionable, the trendy. It is the world of excess. It is a world of enjoyment. It is a careless world and one that fascinates me completely. Coming from the "artist" life, wearing tie-dyed pants and over-sized shirts; coming from not caring what people think of how I looked, bearing more weight on what came out of my mouth and the sentiments I hold dear to my heart, I was attracted like the tide to the shore the world of cosmopolitans, trance music and small talk. I was absorbed into the world of models, fashion shows, rave parties and posture.

But I could not change who I was. I could fit into this society, move within it but not separate myself from this world. Time and time again, I was shattered. I could easily pick myself up again and put myself back together. It is the resilience of one such as me. I don't chance putting myself on the line all the time if I didn't think I had the capacity to regenerate after every breaking.

But two or three days ago, I find myself in the company of old friends, people I have not seen or heard from in a long while. They asked how I was. I told them I was great. "I'm directing now. Projects are coming in one by one. Yes, that's me in the Greenwhich commercial. Funny, huh? Yeah, I'm still writing. I am so busy these days with all the work coming through. I'm making it own on my own. I live alone and have not asked for a single cent from my parents since moving out. I'm doing great. I'm doing really great, actually."

Funny how I look at myself in the mirror and find myself proud of what I see. I've made myself into what I am. These wonderful opportunities have come to me because these are people I've connected myself to. I present myself as someone with something to offer. I did not get these opportunities because of my father. Things did not land on my lap like grace from God. No. These things I worked for, I earned. I put myself out there. I worked and I worked until people knew who I was, knew what I have to offer.

And people I don't even know and haven't even spoken to me have called me "intriguing," "amusing," "articulate," "literate," "insightful," and the most complimentary, "an irresistable force."

I look at myself and wonder why some people don't seem to see that. Why have I been short changing myself and waiting for people to come around? Why have I been waiting for the spearmint and the spaceman to realise that I was worth it? I know I am worth it. I have always been. That I have given them myself for free and so easily is a treasured gift not to have been taken lightly. Yet they did.

I will admit, I have my flaws. But the whole is so much greater than its parts, in my case, so I believe. And if they cannot see that then why do I waste my time? Why have I been asking the most foolish of questions? "Am I not worth it?" "What is wrong with me?" "What am I not doing right?"

I have known the answers all along. Working so hard and making something of myself and never quitting and always moving forward; I have truly made myself something of some value, of some worth.

How could I have ever thought to find myself, to validate myself in the affections of these people who don't even know what they want? If anything, I have always been sure. My declarations have been sincere and with much force and conviction. I have always been true to myself and my feelings.

They can dilly-dally all they want but the promo period is over. If they want me, they have to get me at full price. They better fight, steal and beg because I have come into myself. I have become self-assured. I know my worth now and I will not lower it to accommodate the insecurities of others. I will waste no more time on these humans. I find the company of modern, everyday gods like me of more substance.

No longer will I be denied. No longer will my time be wasted. I know myself now. I know what I am worth. Better than they will ever know. I'm through with the waiting game. Good things come to those who wait, they say.

You know what I say? Good things comes to those who work for it.