The Flight of the Rocketman

We've all been hurt before... -- Hurt Before, by The Corrs

I played my delay tactics long enough and must now get back to work. But I have one more trick up my sleeve and I'm doing it now... I'm writing here, writing on my journal to escape the inevitable. I will have to work. But not right now...

Swallowing more than I can chew, I've written a poem before regarding "swallowing the witch's broom" as a metaphor to taking in the muse and the powers and the talents of your mentor, of your inspiration. It was a dismal failure in the eyes of the academe, to the untrained eye, the poem was sensual, implicit and thought-provoking. It has always been a dilemma of mine: do I pander to the readers or to the teachers? Do I write for the ones who are willing to listen or to the ones who are dying to criticize? There is so much to gain from either audience, the critical acclaim or the best-seller hit. Well, I do what I can, I swallow the witch's broom and see if I gain the power of flight.

Swallowing more than I can chew, the second television show, all brawn and no brains; not a fair estimate but very true nonetheless... It's all about mixed martial arts and its fighting to the barest knuckles, to the blood and gore and am I ready for this? And hell, who is, really? There are no classes or special courses in how to write for sports -- you just go and do it. But this is the life I'm slowly carving out for myself, isn't it? Writing by demand, whatever is needed at the time. Scary enough, I'm getting pretty damned good at it. I'm losing the art but somehow, one way or the other, I'm gaining the craft. Which is the one to be valued more?

Questions I cannot answer...

Why am I attracted to complicated people?

Why do I love to be so busy at work? Why do I find my value in the work that I do and the praises that I get?

Why am I so addicted to people? And why is it so easy to let go of alcohol and cigarettes and drugs? Can't it be the reverse? Being addicted to certain people sucks... It sucks big time. And I can't stand it...

By the way, it's been a tough week for quitting cigarettes. Almost 3 months now and I'm starting to feel the pressure again, the need is there. I want to smoke badly but I do not dare. Especially with my mouth healing from the sickness. But damn, I want to smoke badly. This has been a tough week...