The Flight of the Rocketman

We are swimming, we are floating
And in this moment we are beholden to
What it cost, to what it takes
For one perfect world.
Can we learn to live another way?
It's one perfect world.
-- Perfect World, by the Indigo Girls (written by Amy Ray)

As my steam begins to end, I find myself falling asleep during work. I find myself searching desperately for any morsel of slumber that I can get my hands on. The heat wave rises on these May days and I find myself awakening to my body filled with perspiration. I feel my energy has been sapped from me and I don't know how to regain it. Already, my work has suffered to the point that my producers can no longer deny the fact that I cannot handle the job. They will have to spend a little more to hire someone to replace one of my duties. I cannot do it alone.

I knew it was coming. I was afraid of the loss of some of my salary. Of course, it would have to be cut and returned to the salary of carrying one position and in these moments wherein I'm about to strike it out on my own, I was fearing for my life. Would I be able to afford it?

But apparently, the Universe has a tendency to provide. Another offer came from out of nowhere... How interesting! Another television show that would be exciting and challenging to write. This is as much as I will share. Not that I don't want to jinx it but to divulge more would make the show vulnerable to those who want to make it for themselves.

More importantly, anyway, I just want to share that all of a sudden, when I needed it most, the offer came. Am I not as forsaken as I thought I was? How strange that it should come right just when I needed it? In terms of love, I've never been lucky... But career, that has always been something I could hold on on my own... I never seem to have a difficulty to prove to people that I work, I work hard and that my work deserves to be paid.

That's something I can be very, very thankful for.

Ah, but the sordid topic of love. Will it ever be "happily ever after" for me? Once again, I am a star, orbitted by several planets that are as complicated and as fucked up as our own. Each one contains life and each one has their own set of satellites turning around them. They have doubled in number and I watch them like the sun as they orbit around me and find myself confused as to what to do.

Honestly? I just want to nova, burn them out until nothing is left and then walk on to the next set and try out my luck with them. But this is me. I always fall in love with the wrong kind of people. It's a curse, really. And I don't know how to dispel it.

I've stopped casting spells a long time ago...