The Flight of the Rocketman

And when I talk about therapy
I know what people think
That it only makes you selfish
And in love with your shrink
And oh how I loved everybody else
when I finally got to talk so much about myself
-- "What Do You Hear In These Sounds" by Dar Williams

I guess this is the reason why I get so involved with communication. This unbelievable feeling of connection with someone else. Exchanging ideas and experiences, telling stories, it's a different kind of high, really. And the more and more you get to talk about yourself and in relation to whoever it is you're talking to, you end up realising more and more truths about yourself, about people and about reality and the universe in general. It's true... the world is a living entity as well. It changes, the rules change after a while. Nothing in this reality stays the same. Nothing is truly static. And by constantly talking to people, sharing your experiences and listening in on others, you'll be able to figure out what direction the world is going to next.

That's why I love talking. That's why I am so involved in talking to people and learning new stuff and meeting new people and really discussing things. Even the most mundane things carry a sort of heaviness, encrypted messages to what will happen next. You just have to be able to glean it out on your own.

I guess that's why I really get so involved with this journal. Considering the fact that I lay myself bare and vulnerable to people's judgements; what is there to be afraid of? It's the idea that I'm getting my message across. That someone may be reading this and saying, "Hey! So that's how life is for that person. Interesting. I never thought to see it that way." And all of a sudden, a connection is made. So yeah, there is a sort of egotistical trip going on in here; but I assure you, my intentions of this blog was genuinely for the sake of reaching out to more people.

And yes, the blog is also therapeutic for me. Letting go of all the stuff in my head, in my heart, I feel like it can't hurt me. Or that it becomes a story I can re-write. It separates itself from my being and I can react to it with less subjectivity. I was reading my blog again earlier today, every entry from February until the most current and I felt myself thinking of the things that I did as if it were another person. And I could give this person advice from an objective stand point and it works. All of a sudden, I've let go of all the drama that was piling up the past few days.

Of course, I have not let go of the anxiety of moving. I think that only disappears after I finally move in.

But there, that is one of the reasons for this blog. I mean, why do people write in the first place? Essentially, they want to tell a story. I want to tell myself a story. And, I want everybody to know the story too. And if we all can get something from it, if not some wisdom, maybe amusement? Then who am I to complain?