The Flight of the Rocketman

If I could take over
this world that we're in
I wanna reach out
To every human being
-- A Love to Share, Rivermaya (words and music by Rico Blanco)

If I may just say, despite the fact that I'm doing two major jobs on The Cory Quirino Show... Despite the fact that everyday, I end up tearing my hair and losing my sense of humour... Despite the fact that I have to deal with the decisions of three different groups and coordinate these decisions (the creative side, the host, the producers); I think I'm doing a pretty good job. Yes, this journal entry is more like an obligatory (quite a contortion feat, actually) self patting on the back.

What I do is not easy. The amount of rational work, equalled to the amount of creative work that I have to do on a day-to-day basis is just overwhelming. Especially for someone who hasn't worked very hard in the past two years. I've gotten soft, which was my biggest fear coming into freelancing. I thought that the first few months I'd not have enough work, I'd get comfortable doing nothing. Who knew that for 2 years, I wouldn't be swamped with work and would only get enough to get by? As you know, things never go as planned.

And now, here I am, writer/production manager of a very interesting and well-watched show, as I was told. And now, slowly, I'm building a work-ethic that has cut my sense of humour by 1/4 of its original degree. I'm still a wise-ass but I'm not as frequent...

Sometimes I am amazed by my own resilience. Anything to get to do what I want. Afterall, the pay is good and the work is media related. It's all about the medium and adjusting the medium to better improve the process of communication. Let's say that this isn't what I want to talk about but it is a start. Eventually, I am learning how to put my own words into my host's mouth. Through editing, I might be able to tell the story in my words. Maybe not, since most of the time, I have no opinion or true regard over the opinions in our show. But eventually, a time will come and I will get to say what I want.

This is all means to an end. Eventually, I will develop and learn and become a great writer and production manager. People will trust my work and my efforts. Someday, some one will give me my television show that I can write and produce. These are all steps. The staircase may look long and intimidating, but the only way to go up is by beginning your climb.

I just bought Across the Nightingale Floor and though the book is entertaining, it isn't as good as I was hoping it to be. It is definitely an adventure book for young adults (say about 15 to 18) and so I'm a little bogged down by the simplicity of language. I was hoping for more J.R.R. Tolkien fare or even Steven Pressfield. This is so Harry Potter, as you know, I have no affection for the book (though, my bad, I have not read one to justify a reason for not like the stupid spell-casting jock). Maybe it is because I've never been a big fan of reactionary characters. I used to be amused by Herge's Tintin series, but after a while, I realised that Tintin was only successful because he had a great deal of luck. Read a lot of Tintin and you'll notice that often times, he gets away because he meets someone who is friendly to his cause, or someone trips and falls or a brick falls from the sky and lands on the opponents head. He is not as clever as I thought him to be. Which is why I enjoy reading Philip K. Dick novels. Despite the fact that his characters are reactionary to an awe inspiring, philosophical albeit strange situation, his characters transfer from reaction to action.

Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere was exciting a book, though the main character was reactionary but I still appreciated it because the world was just absolutely fascinating. At the same time, the character is not from that world. Gaiman's characters have to be reactionary because they are introduced into a world so very foreign from our own reality. The main character is us, being introduced into this strange, fantasickal world. But once the readers are savvy to the new rules of this strange, new world, the character, realistically, finds his own personal balance and begins to take charge, take effect; to initiate.

Watching the Harry Potter movies, everything happens to Harry Potter. He doesn't really start anything. He is given broomsticks, clues, magical cloaks. He is forced to make a reaction rather than take action on his own. Based on the movie, he is extraordinary because as a child, he was able to stop a powerful wizard from killing him (but in my understanding, it was his mom who gave her life to stop him). But that's it, as a child. So he was born with great power but he doesn't do anything about it. I don't know. My eldest brother Bing also notes the fact that he is a jock. A great Quiditch player, which is the wizard and witches' equivalent to football. American football at that!!!

My goodness! Here I go rambling on about wizards and witches, books and authors. When am I going to finish my own, huh? Here I go talking and talking and nothing to show for. But if anything, I think I can always defend my opinion if I must.

To a particular person: I waited until I couldn't anymore. What happened to you? You don't text or call as often as you used to. One call to rekindle hopes and dreams but 3 days of silence has sparked out whatever was there. Are you really so busy that you cannot even text back? I thought I was so fascinating to you that you did not understand why you kept calling me...

Why can't people just say things directly, openly, truthfully? I did that recently with someone. I said, "I'm sorry, but I don't become friends with people I sleep with. If we're fuck buddies, then that's what we are, let's not get personal. But if we're friends then we don't have sex." It must've sounded horrible but it is better than avoiding the person later on, right? The truth hurts but at least the person knows what to deal with; rather than my situation now that I don't know what I'm supposed to do! I was told I was special and that there's nothing this person would like to do more than talk to me. But I haven't heard from this person in 4 days! How special am I now?

Jaypee, my Director would say that there is always a reasonable explanation. But Jaypee is a nice guy with a positive view of the world. I don't live in that same world, unfortunately.

There is something wrong. And I don't want to think it's me. No. I know it isn't me. It's just something I seem to bring about in people. I try to be honest and expect (hope) that it is returned. I can handle anything as long as I am told the truth. If you don't like me anymore, then say it. I can handle it. And I'll get out of your hair.

Filipinos are just too damned polite for their own good.