The Flight of the Rocketman

"Peace is not God's gift to the human race, it is our gift to one another." -- Ellie Wiesel

If the above quote is true, then peace of mind is the gift we give ourselves. I'm just so super-charged right now. I got hit by a pure jolt of creative energy. In fact, I forgot I still had work to do and I went straight to writing this short film for a friend of mine, my director of the short film I did. We do short films for fun, creative outlets to forget our day to day lives of paying bills, saving money in the bank and whatever we have to do to survive. I finished the script in a matter of 2 hours, I guess, give or take since he came by and we had a long conversation about many things.

And I finished the script and now I can't wait. I just want to do more. I can't read a book because I feel like I won't stop reading until the sun comes up and that won't do. I have to be at work by 1. I can't watch a movie, my Mom and brother are having their long talks about life and everything else that is in-between that. They haven't done it in a long time (or they have and I was just not aware) but it is like some bond mother and son share. I always see them talking like that, before when we lived in a house, they were at the dining table, smoking. Now, they are at my Mom's breakfast nook, still smoking. Some things never change. I will always be glad of that.

And of course, I can't watch a movie. I can't write because if I do, I will never get to work on that thing I have to do. (Funny, I don't consider this writing... well, it isn't really, this comes easy to me) and then I can't go out because, well, it's a Monday. Who's out on a Monday? And it's raining. I don't feel like getting all dressed up and stuff for that.

But despite all the little things that you will never be sure of and all the things that don't make you happy, there are so many other things in the world that balances everything out. Is this some naive little thing to say? I'll never be sure. This is my reality. I can only really talk about what I know to be true.

To a particular someone: I feel so much for you but you are young, quite young. I've prepared for the time when you will need more than what I can give or when you start looking for the things that I can't. There are many things about you that I want to change, to develop, to improve and I know that to be wrong. You are not mine. What I have to remember is that I am not yours, either. I wish that it would be different. But I take my cues from you. Between the both of us, you are the stronger one, the one who knows where everything stands. But I know I'm the wiser one, not that you aren't wise, but there is just so much more that I know, for the sake that I am much older. I've seen a lot of things that you will never see. You have seen a lot. You've been through a lot, I don't discount that. But they are things I don't have to see because I know that I won't be going there, I don't have to. I do the things that must be done. You do the things you want to do and you say "fuck everybody else." One day I will have the courage to ask what I am exactly to you because I will not go through life like this, not knowing what I am to you. And if that means letting you go, then I will. Because I always had had to let go. You can't have everything that you want. That's a lesson I have learned. Especially in this world where all you really need is yourself.

Peace of mind is a gift you give to yourself. No one else can give it to you.