The Flight of the Rocketman

In the mind's desolate spaces,
We sit atop separate pillars
Calling out each other's names,
Entire genealogies of selves
We cannot redeem or resurrect.
- Anamnesis, Marjorie M. Evasco

Okay. I got really busy. As in really busy. Workshops, loaded with writing work, meeting up with old friends, re-establishing connections with people, severing relationships that aren't working; all part and parcel of trying to live a life that is worth living. And why should I be any different? People around me do exactly the same thing. A friend of mine just broke up with his boyfriend. A friend of mine is swamped with work. My brother and sister-in-law are also swamped with work and also swamped with their upcoming church wedding (I'm swept up in that too, I am their arms and legs during their working hours, doing things that they are not able). My good, good friend Kate just had a loss in the family. My good friend Morx constantly sees old friends at various points in his life.

Why should I be any different?

And then I just finished On Writing by Stephen King and must soon get myself to start reading a new book. The book was good. Very simple and straightforward. I've always liked Stephen King's older work - Carrie, Salem's Lot, Cujo. Those were good books. He really is a master of his genre. I think I will still remain with the lighter stuff first, though. After Cold Mountain, I don't think I'm willing to go for another of the "heavy" books just yet.

Now I hate to sound like some "Foreigner's are better than Filipino" crap since I don't believe that that is always a fact. But in terms of our entertainment, it usually is the case. But last night, I was channel surfing and caught this film called Laman directed by someone I don't know. But I was amazed at the lighting and camera movement. For the first time, a Filipino movie that the camera didn't remain still!!! And the lighting was really dynamic. It covered people's faces in shadows. It cut people up with darkness and light. It was really riveting to watch. And I think that camera was hand-held the whole time. So the slight jerky movements, the inability to hold it's center and focus on one character gave a brilliant feel to the whole film. I was quite impressed. And I was floored by the performance of Elizabeth Oropesa and Albert Martinez. The two other actors still needed work. They were obviously there for the looks factor. But overall, I was impressed. Better find out who that director is...

Well, remember, my comments above excludes my Dad. He is a brilliant film director. Of course, he has his flaws as well. But I believe in his ability to tell a story, a good story. He is a great director and I learned so much about art and life from him.

He'll be back in Manila for a few days. Once again, with a busy schedule. But I'm glad I'll see him. And my sister as well. I fear that maybe the visit will come with a sermon for the craziness that filled my life last December that also killed my credibility and reputation in my family. But hey! I'm glad he'll be here and we can talk again and maybe I can try and redeem myself somehow.

I'm breaking away from habits that have not done me any good. I'm trying to separate myself from a person who has not done me any good. No fault of his, really. But our relationship, our friendship for that matter, has not been all that good for me. I need space. I need time to breathe. As my brother Jubal would say it, I'm not planning on "burning any bridges" but just releasing myself from this hold he has over me.

Some people have this hold over some people. It isn't love, it isn't even sexual. It is a sort of need that each other feeds of from. It is definitely not healthy and helpful. I'm glad I have the strength to find release now. I wasn't strong before because I've realised this for quite a long time now. I'm glad I can get out. I'm glad I have the strength, resolve and stability to let go.

Something's you just let go of. Otherwise, you could just drown in it. And drowning ain't all that cool.