The Flight of the Rocketman

I think I've had my very first perfect Valentine's Day.

It's strange to think that after how many years of spending Valentine's Day alone and bitter that I was alone. I decided to not go out, not go trawling for a partner, not eagerly awaiting for some stupid casual encounter. This time, I decided to stay home. And then Kate and I made a plan and she came over and we watched DVDs all night. She and I watched Confessions of a Dangerous Mind with my brother and sister. Then when they went to sleep, we watched Sex and the City Season 5. All 8 episodes of it and it was absolutely bliss.

And why not? I was with a good, great friend; probably my best friend. She and I had Cheetos and, well, water. She was suppose to bring wine but decided against it. All we didn't need was to get sentimental at the last moment and lose it. We had this great feeling of clarity and the episodes of Season 5 somehow resonated to our feelings of love and relationship and at the same time was just absolutely funny that we almost died laughing.

And maybe everybody was out or the traffic was horrible. After all, it was payday the day before. And people were celebrating the supposed "Philippine's second most commercial holiday, second only to Christmas" as was stated by an official of the British Council last Friday during their show titled Love, Actually which was really bad. Thank God my sister is a wonderful performer and singer. Because otherwise, the show just sunk. The songs were chosen wrong, the poems were badly picked. The whole show was badly directed. It was unbearable.

And what is it with Valentine's anyway. Celebrating a day where people are required to show how they feel about their loved one. It's exactly the same feelings I have for New Year's Resolutions. It's completely insignificant. I've always believed if something isn't working, change it already. Why wait for the New Year to make your resolutions? And Valentine's? Why wait for Valentine's day for the whole romantic dinner and flowers? Do it every 4 or 5 or 6 weeks! Surprise them with the showering of love and affection when they least expect it. It keeps things in a constant state of surprise and it is that suprise which creates the thrill of being in a relationship, right?

It's all herd mentality, for me. This unbelievable need to all go through that same feeling together. It's mechanical and boring. Who needs it? And to compete for restaurant, fine-dining romantic reservations; getting flowers when they are at their most expensive? It's not worth it. Especially if you celebrate Valentine's on your own schedule, at least 12 times a year. That would make it more special for me. The times when you least expect it.

It's not cynicism, I guess. It's more being practical and real and honest about how I feel towards the situation. Or what I feel about relationships in general. I just don't think I can survive in this generation's belief in love and partnership. I think either I'm way to seventies in thinking or (if I got that wrong) way too advanced in my mindset. Relationships are just too much of a drag with all the possessiveness and the lack of trust. It just drives me insane.

I had a friend who never, ever let his boyfriend forget that he messed up before and always grilled him about his exes. What is that about? Almost everyday, there was a snide remark, a hurtful comment; it just doesn't make sense to me. To get into a relationship, there must be trust, otherwise, forget it. No matter how much love you feel for anybody, if you can't give them a measure of trust, it's over before it started.

It's just how I feel. And maybe that's why I am not in a relationship. I won't say alone because I am not alone. I am so very far from it.