The Flight of the Rocketman

Someone played a joke on me. In all fairness, it was a good joke and if I wasn't hoping too much that it was real, I would have probably laughed at it and everything. But because I wanted it to be real, I took it seriously and I almost cried. I think I did. It truly ruined my world for that singular moment. Explaining the journal entry right before this one. I so wanted the joke to be real, all of it. I thought, for the first time, I was going to get something I want. Then, as all jokes do, they turn sour and that would have been funny too, but I couldn't laugh with it. In a sense, I needed it to be real. Sometimes, we hold on to little dreams and would be so happy at even the thought it might come true.

I was in the middle of chatting when I was writing the journal entry previous to this. That's why I got so fucked up during and at the end of that entry, I kinda turned up-side down. I really don't know what is real and what is not. And I envy the people who do because as much as you would want that statement to be false, it is true, there are people who know what is real and what is illusion, what is fake and what is a big, fat joke.

Sometimes, you have to ask yourself questions, find out who you really are and be prepared for the answers. Because sometimes, you won't be happy with the answers that you get. Sometimes, you won't be able to believe the answers that you receive. But you have to be prepared for what happens next. And you have to be strong enough to do what must be done.

Sometimes, you'll be pleasantly surprised by the answers. And you can go on living your life like you were, as is. And everything will remain fine and okay.

Sometimes, there are no answers that come; the questions remain unanswered. And though that may be scary, I just experienced the first situation -- because I didn't ask the question, but the answers came anyway and I wasn't happy with them. I wasn't happy with what I discovered about myself. And I have no choice but to do something about it. Because there is no way I can live like this.

I remember that song. I can't remember who sang it but it goes something like this, "I started a joke, and it got the whole world laughing..."

I think, in a way, I know why they wrote that song...