The Flight of the Rocketman

Lily is dancing again on the table we've all been Pushed too far I guess on days like this you know who your friends are Just another Dead fag to you that's all just another Light missing on a long Taxi ride Taxi ride And I'm down to Your last cigarette and this "We are One" crap as you're invading this thing called love -- she smiles way too much but I'm glad you're on my side, sure I'm glad you're on my side still -- Taxi Ride, written and performed by Tori Amos

You know what? I think people are generally good inside. I think deep down inside, there's this gene that makes people want to do good things. I think, maybe, desperate times call for desperate actions and that's why some people act like animals. This may contradict an earlier journal entry, saying that there is very few things that separate people from animals... That people are really just animals, with the capacity to rationalise and reason out why they do the things that they do.

But today, I saw someone, just lying down and looking at me and though we didn't know each other too well, there was something there. It wasn't love. It was tenderness. And I felt so bad because I had to send that person away. I was done. It was over. And would it have been so bad to just give a hug, to lay there for a little while longer? As I looked at that person's eyes... it occured to me, people are not bad. They're just doing the best they can. The best they know how.

But then again, I'm at a tender stage right now. I know that I will believe something else entirely if something bad is done to me. But at this moment, I saw something inside a complete stranger. And maybe using one stranger as a basis for the whole human race is wrong... It is generalising to an ultimate degree, I know... But what an experience.

I wrote something about it. Putting myself down again, of course. I hope it turns out well. Sometimes, I look at myself and think I'm cheap. God! I don't know what's come over me, really. Been on an emotional rollercoaster lately... Things with my friends, my Mom coming back home, looking for a job, waiting to get paid... and then finding myself doing things that I don't normally do. The little things and the not so little things that is not really something I would normally do. I'm all of a sudden doing them. And I'm getting to know myself again because I've changed.

Who am I kidding? I don't know anything about people, really. I still think a lot of people are mean and cruel and evil. But not everyone. I just don't believe in anything that people say is "human nature." Humans, by nature, are individuals. Sure, there are people who are part of the herd... but they are all herd for different reasons... It's hard to figure out people. I can't even figure out myself.

I don't know... It seemed like such an easy entry to write and then... BLAM! I fell flat on my face while writing it. I just started thinking out, contradicting what I was typing... Oh God! All of a sudden, I'm so embarrassed...