The Flight of the Rocketman

Hey friends what would you like to discuss today? Let's see, maybe the weather or the world today? I'm not sure but I think there might be something to say about the way that we're livin' and lovin' and givin' in vain. Cuz life is more than you and love is more than me. Conscious is more than where you are or where you wanna be. But if these things are true then who am I who are you? And what would I need to do? To be special. -- To Be Special, by Rebekah (words by Rebekah, music by Rebekah and London Jones)

In just 7 days, things that I always thought happened to other people have happened to me or someone who is close to me. A friend of mine had a major falling out with his wife. I actually screamed because I needed to take a cigarette. I quit cold turkey before and my return was voluntary. I didn't look for the damned thing. I held a very good friend's hand in a hospital telling him he wasn't going to die.

I think this is really my year to grow up. To let go of the life that I denied myself when I was still a teen-ager. Had my fun but I have to start remembering graduation day and my first day at work. I have to remember what the sun looked like and what the moonlight felt like on my skin those two days.

We tend to look at the things around us and adjust accordingly. Maybe half the world's population does. I do. I'm not the type to stand against the winds of change, the shifting of the tides. I adjust and conform. I try to listen to what the universe is trying to tell me. I don't want to be ungrateful. Or to look back in hindsight and say things like, "shit! I should have seen the signs! I should have seen it coming."

After all, all my horoscope, astrological readings say that I'm very intuitive. My empathy is really strong. My ability to understand signs and symbols is very acute. And it is true. But all those same readings say that I tend to rationalise and reason out what I should be trusting my instincts on and so I always find myself in moments of regret. I should stop rationalising and reasoning and just trust my first instincts. And I should. I have great instincts.

But it is fear that stops me from taking risks and chances. Fear is really the killer. If there was only a way to remove it from the equation, things would be so much easier for me. But then, it is also fear that keeps us alive. Fear reminds us that the fire will hurt, the fire will burn. Fear reminds us that the ocean is deep and filled with dangerous things. If only it serves as a reminder and not a hindrance. Not an excuse to jump through the flame, an excuse to not go swim in the sea. If only we could use fear to remind us what we are getting into, what the consequences are but still have the courage to go on with it if it's worth it.

And a lot of things, a lot of people are worth it. Right?