The Flight of the Rocketman

Don't you write it down remember this in your head/ don't take a picture, remember this in your heart/ don't leave a message talk to me face to face -- Dead Man's Hill by the Indigo Girls (written by Amy Ray)

It's been a while because some people refuse to stop downloading freaking porn in the shared computer and the whole system keeps crashing because it can't take the amount of filth that is download here on a daily basis. After everything that has happened to him, you'd think that he would have learned something, about karma or stuff... But no, he keeps downloading that smut and puts it in our computer despite the fact he knows how it slows down the system and screws up with the operating whatever blah-blahs and helps out with the annoying pop-ups. I hate him. I wish he'd leave this house already. He is an inconsiderate swine.

Well, Survivor: Pearl Islands and I was sad to see that Darrah did not win the title of Sole Survivor but am very glad that Sandra did and am very glad that good questions and comments were made during the final Tribal Council. It was a very satisfying season of Survivor (in opposition to a horrible season in Thailand [where Helen Glover should have won] and Marquesas [where Kathy Vavrick O'Brien] should have took home the title) and proves that the producers have gotten back on track with their casting. Rupert, Burton, John, Darrah, Andrew, Tijuana, Sandra, Christa were fabolous people to watch. I have yet to see Survivor: Amazon but will plan to. After all, if I want to join Survivor, I'd have to know all the mistakes and be prepared for whatever twists they send me, right?

Yes, I want to be one of the 16 castaways vying for the prize of sole Survivor. Honestly, I could care less for the 1 million dollars. Sure, it would make my life so much easier and I'd know exactly how I'd want to spend that money, but more than anything in the world, I'd want to play the game and see if I really have what it takes to outwit, outlast and outplay. I really think I have what it takes.

Time's have been very weird for me lately. Oh God... I really don't know how to begin. My friend has hit a new revelation and his pain and new found love has thrown me into a rollercoaster of my own personal, private demons but of course, my friend goes first. Without time left for myself, I found myself spiralling down and down into some sort of internal limbo that I don't know exactly what to do anymore. There are certain number of people that I want to see and interact with and a whole bunch of others who I don't want to see for various reasons. One of them being, I don't want them to see me like this.

It's just too weird, even for me, that I take it one day at a time and just push myself to whatever heights I can achieve. After all, I'm not down and out 24 hours of the day and seven days of the week. So the little moments of bliss that I achieve, I hold on to it and bring it as far as I can take it. And honestly, trying to enjoy a moment more than it is willing to be enjoyed is quite harrowing and difficult. It is tiring. And I am very tired, at the moment.

I have had a lot of loss this year round. Lot's of things that were meant to be did not push through for me. I am just a big old sack of disappointment. And the big 2-5 is coming up, quarter of a century old and I don't feel like I've accomplished much, or maybe that's just because I'm in my downslide at the moment.

It's difficult. It's weird and I don't feel like I know as much as I usually do. But my best friend still turns to me for help and it seems that he is satisfied with whatever help I offer, so I know I'm still operating at usual conditions. I just don't feel so spankin' brand new, is all...

The Rocketman flies through the air with precious cargo. Bringing some precious minerals from Earth to Alpha Centauri system C-31. The Rocketman takes a look at the fine things and wants it for himself, just take a quick dash to Neptune and stay there and hide out for a few days with the "stuff" but no... that's not the Rocketman at all. He is never selfish. As much as he wants to be, he knows what must be done. And he will do it. Even if all he wants to do is taste...

"So what is love then is it dictated or chosen/ does it sing like a hymn of a 1000 years or is it just pop emotion/ and if it ever was here and it left does it mean it was never true/ and to exist it must elude is that why I think these things of you/ I could go crazy on a night like tonight/ when summer's beginning to give up her fight/ and every thought's a possibility/ and voices are heard but nothing is seen/ why do you spend this time with me?/ maybe an equal mystery" -- Mystery by the Indigo Girls (written by Emily Saliers)